About Dyslexia

Dyslexia is derived from the Greek "dys" (meaning poor or inadequate) and "lexis" (words or language). Dyslexia is a learning disability characterized by problems in expressive or receptive, oral or written language. Problems may emerge in reading, spelling, writing, speaking, or listening. Dyslexia is not a disease; it has no cure. Dyslexia describes a different kind of mind, often gifted and productive, that learns differently. Dyslexia is not the result of low intelligence. Intelligence is not the problem. An unexpected gap exists between learning aptitude and achievement in school. The problem is not behavioral, psychological, motivational, or social. It is not a problem of vision; people with dyslexia do not "see backward." Dyslexia results from differences in the structure and function of the brain. People with dyslexia are unique, each having individual strengths and weaknesses. Many dyslexics are creative and have unusual talent in areas such as art, athletics, architecture, graphics, electronics, mechanics, drama, music, or engineering. Dyslexics often show special talent in areas that require visual, spatial, and motor integration. Their problems in language processing distinguish them as a group. This means that the dyslexic has problems translating language to thought (as in listening or reading) or thought to language (as in writing or speaking).

One of the most widely used methods of dyslexia remediation is known as Orton Gillingham which is based on the work of Dr. Samuel Orton, a neurologist who worked with stroke patients and later coined the phrase "word blindness " for dyslexic teenagers and Anna Gillingham, a teacher who helped devise a system for teaching the stroke patients and kids to read. The essentials are a multisensory structured phonetic approach which means 1) teaching kids through seeing, hearing and touching in 2) a systematic and structured way; and 3) teaching them the phonetic system in a way that they can remember.

There are many variations on the OG scheme, to name a few-:Project Read, Wilson Series, and Lindamood Bell. A number of these various structured programs are listed on the Assistive and Adaptive Computing Technology In Special Education web site.

Arlene Sonday, has developed a very simple technique based on OG she calls the Sonday System. Her approach is a kit that can be used by someone who takes about 6 hours of training.

Another phonics system is Reading from Scratch a systematic phonics program for ages eight through adult. Phonics rules, spelling generalizations, grammar, syntax and sentence construction are covered with endless review concealed toavoid boredom.

The Greenwood Institute is an affiliate of The Greenwood School (founded in 1978 by Thomas and Andrea Scheidler), a pre-preparatory boarding school for 40 boys, ages 10-15, who have dyslexia.

The International Dyslexia Association (IDA) (formerly The Orton Dyslexia Society) is an international, non-profit, scientific and educational organization dedicated to the study and treatment of dyslexia. The IDA was first established nearly 50 years ago to continue the pioneering work of Dr. Samuel T. Orton, who was one of the first to identify dyslexia and its remediation.

The British Dyslexia Associatoin is a national organization for dyslexia in England, Wales and Northern Ireland,
with 130 Local Dyslexia Associations and Dyslexia Support Groups, and with professional Corporate Members.

During the past 25 years The Dyslexia Institute (DI) has developed a national network of centres offering assessment, teaching and training for all ages of dyslexic people throughout the UK.

Davis Research Foundation (DRF) was established in 1988 as a non-profit corporation organized to research, develop, and broadly disseminate effective counseling and teaching methods to resolve dyslexia and other learning disabilities. One of their primary goals is to address and relieve school problems suffered by dyslexic children. They fund and support public school programs which provide parent education, teacher training, consultations, and materials to pilot, test and implement dyslexia prevention and correction methods.

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The Truth About Compatibility

Love. Freud, for once, got it right. It's a cornerstone of our humanity; only love protects us enough to grow and change. And increasingly, it's the lone element absent from our otherwise fortunate lives. Living in a society that satisfies material wants we didn't even know we had throws into glaringly high relief our need to find acceptance and meaning through deep human contact.

Love remains something we all long for, at least on the receiving end, but that we also seem to have so much trouble finding, or recognizing—or holding onto. And sometimes, letting go of.

Love's coming, or sad going, is not only the biggest drama of our private lives; it's on center stage of our public ones too. It is, for example, a guaranteed political flash point: Exactly whose love is entitled to receive civic or religious recognition? And who picks up the pieces when it ends? Lawyers may dine out on love gone awry, but public policy is often left to grapple with the mess of disaffected children and poverty it leaves in its wake.

Still, anyone who has come within waltzing distance of it, read Jane Austen or Danielle Steele, or listened to Frank Sinatra or Celine Dion, knows there's no elixir like love. Our search is not likely to end any time soon.

Of course, we want someone to share our laughter, be a best friend as well as a lover, someone who'll not only listen to our doubts and celebrate our triumphs but also jump in the car for impromptu getaways. We want to be one half of a couple whose personal characteristics so closely mesh that we'll remain oriented to one another in a hyperstimulating world. Such assurance resides only in compatibility, that critical stew of traits that matter—if only we could figure out which traits they are.

Staff writer Carlin Flora talked to a variety of experts who could be expected to provide insight into these key qualities. From family researchers to matchmakers, each has watched countless couples draw together and pull apart. And each suggested the same thing: We're looking at love all wrong.

Compatibility does not hinge on some personal inventory of traits. Compatibility isn't something you have. It's something you make. It's a process, one that you negotiate as you go along. Again and again. It's a disposition, an attitude, a willingness to work.

And while we're redefining compatibility, let's banish its more combustible cousin, "chemistry," that black box of a term too often invoked to denote the magic ingredient of a good relationship. Chemistry is an alluring concept, but much too frequently people use it to absolve themselves of the need to consciously examine their approach to one another. As if the muse of love will alight on their shoulder and sprinkle fairy dust on them, and then they will suddenly open their eyes and behold The Perfect Mate—without prying open their own heart, embracing an unwavering willingness to see the other in a positive light or doing the hard work of exploring, knowing and respecting another human being.

Love operates on many levels. It involves a dauntingly complex interplay of biology and behavior. But it operates best when we add a certain spirit, when we consciously shape our relationships through an attitude of goodwill. Here, experts weigh in:

via : www.psychologytoday.com/

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The Truth About Compatibility (2)

Compatibility is overrated. The similarities or personality traits that attract people to each other may not hold up over time. You might be attracted to someone because you both love to ski, but then one of you blows out a knee. When people are divorcing, they'll say, "We have nothing in common." But they have kids, a house and 30 years of shared experience. Values about money and children run very deep and are important. The surface ones—antiques, sports, travel and gourmet coffee—don't matter. —William J. Doherty, professor and marriage and family therapy program director, University of Minnesota

Sensitivity to the issue of compatibility may be in and of itself a sign of trouble. My research shows that there is no difference in the objective level of compatibility between those couples who are unhappy and those who are happy. But the unhappy ones think compatibility is important to a good marriage—but don't think they have it. When people say, "We're incompatible," that usually means, "We don't get along very well." People overemphasize the effect of personality or values. And they underemphasize the extent to which easy, congenial temperaments aid marriages. —Ted Huston, psychology professor, University of Texas, who runs the PAIR project, a longitudinal study of married couples

People assume compatibility as a baseline requirement, then want more. "I want him to fit in with my family and do all the things I love to do—and he should be sexy, and he should take me out to cool places." I think you can have an even more fulfilling relationship if you respect each other's worlds, and learn a little bit from each other. I always think of the phrase, "You've met your match." You really do want someone who challenges and spars with you. —Nancy Slotnick, dating coach, founder of cablight.com

I recently asked myself: What would social science have to say to a matchmaker? Damn little. Measures of personality don't predict anything, but how people interact does. Couples need to feel they are building something together that has meaning. How does a relationship support what you see as a mission in life? This is the existential part. You must also connect emotionally. How much do you respond to each other's bids for attention? Does your partner turn toward you with equal enthusiasm? You need to ask questions and constantly update your knowledge of one another. And you need the ability to hear your partner's delight and take it in. —John Gottman, founder-director of the Relationship Research Institute, Seattle

The biggest reason people get divorced is they grow apart. I don't see many marriages that can be saved, and I don't know that it's possible to save marriages. Counseling doesn't work; by the time couples get to the lawyer, their positions are very hardened. —Raoul Felder, divorce lawyer who has presided over the dissolution of some 8,000 marriages

A couple needs to be within one standard deviation of each other in intelligence (10 points in either direction). —Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony.com and creator of a questionnaire that attempts to match couples

Personality is important, but no one really knows how to match personalities up. People are sometimes attracted to like personalities and sometimes to different ones. Relationship skills, on the other hand, can always be improved, and they'll help any two people—with any two personalities—to get along better. —Robert Epstein, PT West Coast editor

If a man comes home late, his wife may get angry and ask, "Why didn't you call?" Instead, she could say, "Honey, I was worried about you. Did something happen?" People must look for the best in each other. —Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, author of The Committed Marriage, and founder and president of Hineni, an organization fostering Jewish heritage

There is no such thing as a compatible couple. All couples disagree about the same things: money, sex, kids, time. So, it's really about how you manage your differences. If there is chemistry, then the whole courtship is about convincing yourself and others that you are compatible. But, really, you create compatibility. And then, eventually, maybe in 25 years, you will become soul mates. —Diane Sollee, founder and director, Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education

People might agonize and think, Do we have the same likes and dislikes? But people are not aware of how powerful self-fulfilling prophecies are. We have expectations in a relationship, and we tend to make them come true. The most satisfied couples are those with overly rosy views of each other. —Lisa Diamond, assistant professor of psychology and gender studies, University of Utah.

via : www.psychologytoday.com
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21 Questions Successful Parents Ask Themselves

Introduction

Someone once said (I'm not sure, but I think it might have been my mother!), that a new born baby is the only new product on the market today that leaks at both ends, and yet you can't take it back. Even though we can't, all of us parents have probably at one time or another wanted to do just that. Like it or not-and I believe that it is perfectly normal to not like it at times-we have all been given the honor, the responsibility, and the privilege, of taking a "new product" that is far from perfect, far from complete, and applying our influences to create a healthy, responsible, productive human being. No instruction booklet comes with this new and incomplete product, and much of the time we may feel like we are on our own to complete the assembly process.

There are many qualities and characteristics that a new born baby does not have that we parents are assigned the task of developing and creating; just to name a few; self control, independence, healthy self esteem, values, morals, and an attitude of responsibility. Because we are our kids' parents, it is our responsibility to make sure that these and many other characteristics are put in place and activated in their lives before they leave our home and our care.

Doing all that is required of us as parents is what this guidebook to raising great kids is all about. In it you will find no easy answers, no simple solutions. In fact, you might even at times be frustrated since reading this guidebook will ask you to look more at yourself and your efforts to be better parents, than at your kids and their behaviors. I cannot assure that all of your questions will be answered, or that everything you need to know to raise great kids will be found here. But I can assure you that in this guide to raising great kids, you will read about a great many ideas that will help you in your task, your responsibility, and your privilege of being the parent of your kids.

I can hear the skeptics now! "Yeah, right! All I have to do is follow the recipe found in this guy's book, and all my fears and problems as a parent will cease to exist! All I have to do is what this guy says works, and I can be a successful parent". "Nothing"' the skeptic goes on to think, " can be that easy".

The skeptics are right. Nothing, especially being the kind of parent our kids need can be that easy. There are no simple formulas that will alleviate the necessity of good old fashion hard work and sacrifice. The point of this guide is not to make parenting easy, but rather to just make good parenting a possibility. As parents entering the twenty first century, we desperately need a fighting chance in helping our kids grow up to be healthy and emotionally prosperous adults. The competition against our being successful at our task of parenting has never been greater. Never before have the odds been so stacked against our favor. What follows is not simple, but is simply a guide, an outline, if you will, that I strongly believe will bring the odds of being the successful parent you want to be back to your favor. Mistakes will still be made (I know that all too well first hand), but if you commit to doing what is suggested here in this guide to parenting, then your chances of succeeding at raising great kids will be enhanced, even though mistakes will still be made.

A core ingredient in raising great kids is self-esteem. I know that this term can easily be over used and misused The fact is, though, that kids who grow up having a clear and well balanced estimate of their worth and value, have a much better shot at growing up healthy and well-adjusted. Likewise, kids who are constantly wondering where they fit-if indeed, they fit at all-will have a more difficult time coping with the many pitfalls and struggles they will face in life.

When it comes to self-esteem and our kids, I have become convinced of three things: first, that the truly happy and healthy kids in this world are not necessarily those with fewer struggles; nor are they those with the greatest opportunities. The healthiest and greatest kids are those who know how to deal effectively with life's struggles. What lies at the core of our kids' ability to cope and deal well with "life's curve balls" is a strong sense of their own value and worth-a healthy and well-balanced self-esteem.

Secondly, I am convinced that our kids actually deserve to feel good about themselves, not because they are pretty or handsome, not even because they are intelligent. Our kids deserve to feel good about themselves not because their tennis shoes pump up as well as tie, or because of the label on their jeans. And they should not even have to earn the right to feel good about themselves by living up to the expectations we have of them. Our kids deserve to feel good about themselves simply because they are, simply because they exist. This does not mean that when they blow it, that our feeling disappointed, mad, hurt, or maybe even disgusted, is not appropriate and understandable. These negative responses, either from us or even from themselves, are indeed at times inevitable. Such necessary and appropriate negative responses do not, however, have to break their spirit or damage their self-esteem.

The third conviction I have is this: Our kids' self-esteem is designed. It doesn't just happen, it's not primarily genetics, and it's not luck of the draw. It's learned, and in large part, it is learned through our efforts to design how it is they grow up feeling about themselves. Our influence comes through our interactions with them and our messages to them about how we view and value them. Most often, the messages we send to our kids are subtle and often they are unconscious, but nonetheless, they help shape their view of themselves over a period of time.

Several years ago, I had the opportunity to observe the parenting skills of a mom and dad who had an office next to mine. During the time that I knew them both, their son would often spend time in their office after school and on the weekends. Every time he came, I became increasingly impressed with how they talked with their 10 year old son, how they would respond to him and his questions, how they would discipline him, and how they would treat him with healthy respect and equality, the same they expected from him.

It has never been my manner to comment and respond on the parenting skills of those people around me. I have always assumed that if anyone wanted my opinion, they would ask for it. In this case, however, I decided that this very impressive mom and dad would not mind if I told them what a good job I thought they were doing with their son. Upon complimenting them on their efforts, the mom smiled and related to me that they have often received comments on their son and his well-balanced nature. Invariably, she related, the comments from others would come in the form of something like, "You are so fortunate to have an easy child to raise". She went on to say that for the longest time the tone of the attempted compliment would irritate her since the implication was most often that their successes were due in large part to luck, and that they had given birth to an easy child to raise. One day it occurred to her to respond by smiling and saying, "Thanks. We designed him that way". A point well made since in fact, for the most part, they had designed him to be an "easy child".

This book is about how we parents can give our kids the messages that will help insure that they grow up to become adults who have a healthy view of their value and worth. This task of raising great kids who like themselves is not an easy one for any of us, and there are no guarantees since our influence-while incredibly strong and significant-is only one factor in designing how they develop and grow. How our kids develop is not totally and completely in our hands. Other factors, from genetic predisposition to peer pressures, enter into the mix of influences, too. And it is important to make this point as we begin as well; as they grow, our kids must take responsibility for their actions and their choices. They are not the total product of our mistakes; nor are they the total product of our successes. Rather, our kids are more a product of how they choose to respond to both our successes as their parents, and to our failures, as well.

However, since we are the first influence in their lives, and during their early years when they are so extremely moldable by messages they hear, observations they make, and the experiences they have, we are given an important head start on all the other influences that will soon bombard them. The more we are able to shape who they are before other experiences enter their world, the more likely it is that our positive influence will remain strong and significant when other influences we have little or no control over enter their world. This guidebook is written to insure that our impact on them is positive and constructive, and that our influence in their lives continues throughout their lifetime.

As I wrote my ideas about how to raise great kids-kids who like who they are, know what they have to offer others, and then offer it-I was confronted more than once by my own imperfections as a parent. At times it was painful recalling the flaws in my own efforts to be a successful parent. But then over and over too, I was reminded of how absolutely great (not perfect, but great) our two daughters, Ashley and Allyson have turned out in spite of our shortcomings and mistakes my wife and I made. I think this is because we were always working hard to put into practice the principles you are about to consider in this guidebook.

So I encourage you to set aside any perfectionistic tendencies you might have, and remind yourself as you read that your kids simply do not need perfect parents. What they do need is parents who love them, and who consistently try to be on the right track in their efforts to raise them. It is my hope that the following ideas and suggestions will help you accomplish this very difficult but exciting task.

Any parent who attempts to raise great kids would acknowledge that they are always looking for answers. Too often we fail at our efforts to find some of the answers that will help us become better parents because we are not asking the right questions. Rather than some of the more common questions we often ask ourselves, like, "Where have we gone wrong?", "Why won't Johnny ever listen?", "Why can't my kids be as easy to raise as the neighbor's kids?", "Why do they always prefer being at someone else's home than ours?", and, "Why me?", this first section will focus on some of the other more important questions that we parents must ask ourselves.

The first thing you will notice about all 21 questions, is that each one focuses on our efforts and what we can do, rather than on our kids and how they should change. It has always been a principle of mine that if we want to see a change (growth) in the other person (our kids), we must look at ourselves to see what part we might be playing in actually perpetuating and reinforcing (not causing, but reinforcing) the very behavior or attitude in the other person that we dislike. This principle applies in our role as parents, and as we tweak and fine tune our efforts and attitudes, we will most likely see growth in our kids, and in turn, in our relationship with them. This process of asking ourselves the right questions will help us tweak and fine tune our efforts as parents, and help insure that we will raise absolutely great kids.

As you consider the following 21 questions that successful parents ask themselves, I would also challenge you to focus on your own childhood, and to reexamine your relationship with your parents. A great deal can often be learned about how we parent by looking back at how we ourselves were parented.

The responsibility of raising great kids is an awesome task, but an exciting one, indeed.

21 Questions Successful
Parents Ask Themselves

1. Do I Respect My Kids?

2. What Do My Kids Hear Me Say About Them?

3. Do I Use Guilt To Get My Kids To Do What I Want?

4. Am I Motivated In My Actions Toward My Kids By My Own Guilt Feelings?

5. Do I Make Some Of The Same Mistakes With My Kids That My Parents Made With Me?

6. Do I Encourage Dependency On Myself That Meets My Need To Be Loved?

7. Do I Excessively Protect My Kids?

8. Am I Appropriately Available To My Kids?

9. Do I Focus More On My Kids' Positive, Or Negative Behaviors?

10. Do I Hold Grudges?

11. Am I Able To Say, "I'm Sorry. Will You Forgive Me?

12. " Am I Physical With My Kids?

13. Do I Teach My Kids How To Laugh At Themselves?

14. Do I Teach My Kids That It Is O.K. To Have Their Feelings, No Matter What Those Feelings Are?

15. Do I Encourage My Kids To Help, Even Though When They Do, It May Make The Task Longer, Or May Not Even Turn Out As Well?

16. Do I Show My Kids That They Really Matter?

17. Do I Listen To My Kids?

18. Do I Give My Kids As Many Choices In Life As Possible?

19. When My Kids Disappoint Me, Do They Have To Earn Back My Love And Approval?

20. Do I Establish Appropriate Guidelines Within Which My Kids Can Freely Function?

21. Do I Keep In Mind That It Is Normal For My Kids To Challenge My Authority? [via] Read More..

Parenting is more about attitude than approach.

As you read A PARENT'S GUIDE TO RAISING GREAT KIDS, you will find that this book takes a somewhat different approach to parenting than do many books that are on the market today. Most address goals and expectations for parenting that certainly do merit our consideration. And usually they are written to endorse a particular approach to accomplishing those goals and expectations.

The goal and purpose of what you read here, however, is not to suggest or endorse any particular approach we parents can employ in order to persuade, coerce, bribe-or if all else fails-force our kids to do and be what we want them to do and be. Certainly we want them to be respectful of others, to be responsible, polite, ambitious, helpful around the house, and much more.

Of course it is the desire and responsibility of any dedicated parent to help develop a healthy and well balanced self-esteem in their kids, and to encourage them to grow up to be adults who have a sane and reasonable view of what they have to offer. And to do all of this, having an approach that is effective is necessary.

But the purpose of what you will read here is to guide you as a parent to assess and evaluate what attitudes you have toward your kids, and to see how those attitudes are either helping you to be a successful parent, or interfering with your efforts.
As an author, therapist, and dad to two wonderful girls, I have found that it is only as we look closely at our own attitudes that we are then able to “design” great and healthy kids. So here you will be encouraged to look at yourself and your role as a parent to your kids. As you do, your self-assessment will likely help fine tune your attitudes, and in so doing, you will be more equipped to choose the most effective parenting approaches.

AVOIDING ANGER IN KIDS

A common and recurring characteristic I have found in my work with kids over the years is anger. Often, it is unresolved anger that lies behind the self-defeating symptoms that plague so many kids today. Anger in kids is often a natural outcome when we parents use punishment rather than discipline, and parental power rather than the all-important parental authority.

Most parents would agree that to avoid provoking their kids to anger is indeed an important goal. But most would also be quick to add that it is next to impossible to avoid anger altogether. As a responsible parent-so the explanation goes-they have rules, expectations, and standards to which they hold their kids accountable. Inevitably and regularly, they say, their kids become angry in response to their restrictions and expectations.

And I would agree. Not only is avoiding anger in our kids next to impossible, it might even be argued that to do so entirely would require our consistently giving in to them in order to avoid their anger. And even then, eventually they would become angry because we failed to keep them safe and responsible by limiting them. So, avoiding anger in our kids at all costs is not only an impossibility, it is not an option any responsible parent would consider.

The anger in kids we must strive to avoid is the anger that is created when consistently we parents use power rather than authority, and punishment rather than discipline to shape and influence them. The differences between power and authority, as well as punishment and discipline will be clarified in my book.[via] Read More..