As you read A PARENT'S GUIDE TO RAISING GREAT KIDS, you will find that this book takes a somewhat different approach to parenting than do many books that are on the market today. Most address goals and expectations for parenting that certainly do merit our consideration. And usually they are written to endorse a particular approach to accomplishing those goals and expectations.

The goal and purpose of what you read here, however, is not to suggest or endorse any particular approach we parents can employ in order to persuade, coerce, bribe-or if all else fails-force our kids to do and be what we want them to do and be. Certainly we want them to be respectful of others, to be responsible, polite, ambitious, helpful around the house, and much more.

Of course it is the desire and responsibility of any dedicated parent to help develop a healthy and well balanced self-esteem in their kids, and to encourage them to grow up to be adults who have a sane and reasonable view of what they have to offer. And to do all of this, having an approach that is effective is necessary.

But the purpose of what you will read here is to guide you as a parent to assess and evaluate what attitudes you have toward your kids, and to see how those attitudes are either helping you to be a successful parent, or interfering with your efforts.
As an author, therapist, and dad to two wonderful girls, I have found that it is only as we look closely at our own attitudes that we are then able to “design” great and healthy kids. So here you will be encouraged to look at yourself and your role as a parent to your kids. As you do, your self-assessment will likely help fine tune your attitudes, and in so doing, you will be more equipped to choose the most effective parenting approaches.

AVOIDING ANGER IN KIDS

A common and recurring characteristic I have found in my work with kids over the years is anger. Often, it is unresolved anger that lies behind the self-defeating symptoms that plague so many kids today. Anger in kids is often a natural outcome when we parents use punishment rather than discipline, and parental power rather than the all-important parental authority.

Most parents would agree that to avoid provoking their kids to anger is indeed an important goal. But most would also be quick to add that it is next to impossible to avoid anger altogether. As a responsible parent-so the explanation goes-they have rules, expectations, and standards to which they hold their kids accountable. Inevitably and regularly, they say, their kids become angry in response to their restrictions and expectations.

And I would agree. Not only is avoiding anger in our kids next to impossible, it might even be argued that to do so entirely would require our consistently giving in to them in order to avoid their anger. And even then, eventually they would become angry because we failed to keep them safe and responsible by limiting them. So, avoiding anger in our kids at all costs is not only an impossibility, it is not an option any responsible parent would consider.

The anger in kids we must strive to avoid is the anger that is created when consistently we parents use power rather than authority, and punishment rather than discipline to shape and influence them. The differences between power and authority, as well as punishment and discipline will be clarified in my book.[via]